"No. Well - yeah, a bit, of course I have. But I know he'd never go for it, and - if he gets what he's here for, he'll have his world healing. He'll wanna go back there with Furiosa."
And then he gives Ricki a quick, nervous look and says the inevitable.
"--you know, if you ever wanted another option. You an' your family," whoever he feels that includes. "You know I'd do whatever it took."
There are honestly some things he's never said to Ricki because he feels like they're face-meltingly obvious, but this, in this moment, feels like it needs to have a light shone on it.
"Yeah. Figured it'd be like that, all the stuff you said - " Staying local, hiding out, teaching kids English in some missionary school. Not the planning of a man who thought there was any chance of upping sticks and moving elsewhere.
Living with not knowing must be awful. He had only a shadow of that, growing up without knowing what had become of his father; he doesn't mention it because he accepts that Irina is far worse.
Ricki said this much to him, a while ago in Paris - the way he'd told it, discovering (heavily suspecting?) that they'd known all along had been his reason to slip away from the Circus altogether. But if he'd been going by suspicion, hearing the confirmation really vindicates nothing, at this stage.
"When I was meeting George, I was a mess. I loved her, I felt guilty, I felt betrayed- Circus men had been trying to kill me, I had no money, no food, and nowhere to stay. So even though they knew she was dead, they didn't tell me, in order that I go to Paris for them and act as bait to draw out the mole. I went and held the wire office at gunpoint to do it, you know, and they were making plans to intercept me and get me to Russia when George and Peter stepped in. Me- a wreck, and the work, fucking dangerous, right? So it made absolute and utter sense to lie to me."
Eggsy makes a quiet sound of agreement - yes, absolutely sensible to avoid breaking a cracked man, in the brutally utilitarian kind of way that he knows will come about frequently in their line of work - but says nothing. Whatever's Ricki's wondering, he's waiting for the question.
"And I know you're young, but- it's such a long time, and it was all of my adult life. I'd come back, when it would have been far easier to up and vanish. I'd sounded the alarm."
He clears his throat.
"I wonder if they'd- you know. Let me have a chance to make the choice to do the right thing, would I be an inmate right now?"
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
"Ever think about bringing Max home with you?"
no subject
And he falters, because it's not like he's asked.
"I mean. He must do."
no subject
He says, but;
"Sometimes it's nice to be asked. To feel wanted. To know you have multiple places to go."
no subject
And then he gives Ricki a quick, nervous look and says the inevitable.
"--you know, if you ever wanted another option. You an' your family," whoever he feels that includes. "You know I'd do whatever it took."
There are honestly some things he's never said to Ricki because he feels like they're face-meltingly obvious, but this, in this moment, feels like it needs to have a light shone on it.
no subject
He says, with a slight smile of his own.
"So I know just where and when I have to be, I'm afraid."
no subject
But like he also said, it's nice to be asked.
no subject
He'll let him know.
"Even if I'd have to learn the internet."
no subject
Eggsy smiles bright and innocent at him. "Don't worry, they run like - special classes. For the elderly an' easily confused."
no subject
"Brat. Imp. Scoundrel."
no subject
"Jesus, Ricki, you can't have a go at me for callin' you old when you sound like Charles Dickens wrote all your fuckin' insults."
no subject
He says, with a broad grin of his own.
"They copy whatever they hear, you know."
no subject
He sips his tea and sobers a little.
"Did you, uh, did you hear from George Smiley?"
no subject
He admits, expression clouding over as well.
"Yeah- did you?"
no subject
"Yeah. Not for long, but...I did, yeah. He asked if I was a probationer, I sort of went with it."
He eyes Ricki warily.
"He must have thought you were...."
Dead, or at the very least irretrievably gone.
no subject
He says, with an arch of his eyebrows.
"I gave him quite a fright."
no subject
no subject
He admits, with a bit of a shiver.
no subject
"Did he - did he tell you what you needed to know?"
no subject
no subject
Living with not knowing must be awful. He had only a shadow of that, growing up without knowing what had become of his father; he doesn't mention it because he accepts that Irina is far worse.
no subject
He admits.
"He told me, he'd known all along she was dead."
no subject
"Like you told me."
Ricki said this much to him, a while ago in Paris - the way he'd told it, discovering (heavily suspecting?) that they'd known all along had been his reason to slip away from the Circus altogether. But if he'd been going by suspicion, hearing the confirmation really vindicates nothing, at this stage.
no subject
He says, and clears his throat.
"When I was meeting George, I was a mess. I loved her, I felt guilty, I felt betrayed- Circus men had been trying to kill me, I had no money, no food, and nowhere to stay. So even though they knew she was dead, they didn't tell me, in order that I go to Paris for them and act as bait to draw out the mole. I went and held the wire office at gunpoint to do it, you know, and they were making plans to intercept me and get me to Russia when George and Peter stepped in. Me- a wreck, and the work, fucking dangerous, right? So it made absolute and utter sense to lie to me."
no subject
no subject
He reminds him.
"And I know you're young, but- it's such a long time, and it was all of my adult life. I'd come back, when it would have been far easier to up and vanish. I'd sounded the alarm."
He clears his throat.
"I wonder if they'd- you know. Let me have a chance to make the choice to do the right thing, would I be an inmate right now?"
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)