rickitikitarr | 2. and the breaking point

[Video]

[He'd woken up this morning to a terrible new alteration to his body, and to Zane's (rather terrifying) network announcement. So, subdued, short;]

I don't know what the hell is wrong with you people, but this place is fucking dreadful. Someone let us know when the rampage killing lunatic has-

[Fuck. He stops himself, because he hadn't intended to let his temper get away with him. This isn't helping anyone. He, quite visibly, draws a breath in through his nose, lets it out through his mouth.]

I'm sorry. I hope there can be an announcement when the halls are safe again.

[Spam]

[The flood really hasn't been good to him. He gives up on staying holed into his cabin, and makes the trek to go get breakfast. He looks rather unusual, in a low slung pair of jeans and a sheet wrapped around his head and shoulders, held together over his chest with one hand, like a grandmother with a massive shawl.

It's better than going shirtless, which is his only other option. By the way his bedsheet tents up the centre of his back, something is clearly wrong with his spine. When he gets his tray, one handed, and the hood of sheet over his head spills back to reveal a dip at the top of his shoulders, a keen observer will catch sight of a ridge of uncomfortable protruding plates. They're interspersed enough that the movements of his spine are only a little restricted, though twisting side to side more than a bare inch is impossible.

So, he learns quickly, is sitting back comfortably against anything. He perches up gingerly on the edge of his chair, flings one end of the sheet over his shoulder like a scarf to free up his hands a little better, and starts to stab at his meal. He is in a mildly better mood than he was earlier.

Very mildly.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I saw it. It's a nice place.

[He feels hopelessly out of place there. Needs to admit;]

This conversation is the closest I've come to God in most of a decade.

You don't ever wonder if he wants you back?

[He laughs in surprise- not at all unkindly, just actually shocked.]

I hadn't. If I jump back in all in earnest now that I'm dead, I'll feel like a fairweather fan.

But He's gonna bring you back to life after you graduate. He wouldn't do that for someone He didn't want.

Do you think the admiral is God? Or just- borrowing the power of resurrection? A sort of old testament cantankerous angel?

If He's not God, God's still above him. He's still making this happen.

But... I think he might be, yeah. Maybe.

[He rubs a hand over his face. That's disturbing, and he's not sure he believes it, but not one hundred percent sure that he doesn't, which is more upsetting.]

Want to meet up in the chapel, after the murderer is squared away and I'm not part dinosaur any more?

... Yeah. I like that idea a lot.

Hey, so what do you think of... you know, the, uh, controversial stuff? Gay people and stuff like that? 'Cause that's something I've been learning about here.

That's a complicated one.

[Shifting a little.]

I don't know. Faith is something that gives you strength, and righteousness, which for some reason makes it easy to want to stand in condemnation. Condemnation quickly becomes cruelty. I think the bible isn't there to tell men who to hate.

It ain't that complicated, actually.

[aka she craves clear-cut answers, and being told what to do and believe, so she's not letting it be complicated for her.]

I used to think God was against it, but it turns out he actually isn't at all. There's a guy here-- Dillon; he's amazing-- and he taught me all kinds of stuff about the Bible that I never knew. Turns out that the laws saying being gay is bad are part of the old laws, and since Jesus died for us we don't got to follow them anymore.

[It's a good thing they're on audio, she won't see his eyebrows raise.]

Sort of. But this is again where I'm a very bad evangelical. Give me a few days to gather my thoughts up, I'll get you something coherent and fair on this.

[But it's been ages since he's dealt with biblical inerrancy and infallibility, and the finer distinctions between the two perspectives. aka if they seriously do this Ricki is going to drag her headlong into the ethical and philosophical morass that is faith, poor thing.]

... Sort of? You mean you don't think he's right?

[WELP. She loves Dillon, but Dillon is a Catholic. Shouldn't she be trusting her fellow evangelical over him? So conflicted, much conundrum.]

Okay, well, what about sex? That's fine for me to be doing, right?

[Okay, they're going for this now. Ricki rolls onto his stomach, the only way he can get comfortable right now, and plunges into the deep end.]

That depends on how you believe the bible came to be.

Where do you think the book comes from, Tiffany? How do you see that moment, in your minds' eye?

God.

[She says it like the answer should be obvious.]

It comes from God.

Of course. But the pen and paper were in the hands of men. As an evangelical, there are three sort of choices.

One, dictation theory, means that the words came to the ears of the authors and editors from God, a whisper in their ear, word by word. The second involves God inspiring the authors to produce the words He wanted, but with a little less control. The third is that God granted the authors the ideas intended for the book, but that the wording was left mostly up to them.

Don't pick right away, take this home and think about it.

[She had already opened her mouth to tell him which one she thought was right, but when he adds that last bit, she closes it.]

... Okay.

How do I know which one to pick?

Faith.

[He says, with a smile.]

Belief. All the fun, intangible things that lie within yourself. This isn't something someone can choose for you.

[She sighs.]

So I guess you're gonna say you can't tell me what's right about the gay people or the sex stuff, huh.

Not entirely. But I promise you, when we're done, you'll have an answer for yourself. I'm just not going to tell you what it should be. All of faith is stronger if you grapple for it on your own. Besides, I'd be such a hypocrite.

I don't want to choose the wrong thing and go to hell, though, and those two issues are real relevant to my life right now.

[itt accidentally implying she's having gay feelings herself.]

[Ah. He takes mercy on her, then;]

No fair God would condemn you to hell for a mistake in understanding scripture. Don't be afraid. The way you see these things may change, may grow, and you need to give yourself permission to make mistakes as you learn them, trusting that He will see you doing your best.

[And now he really does sound too much like home. He sits up hard and fast, announces;]

I've got to get something to eat. You going to be all right if we leave this a few days?

... Yeah, okay. Talk to you later.

And thanks.

Trust in forgiveness.

[Pressing once more, because he's sure somehow he's done more damage than good.]

Talk soon.

[Before disconnecting, rather unsettled, ready to go sit updeck and chainsmoke with a pot of tea.]

2. and the breaking point

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